Whose at fault in a divorce case?
Science informs us that we are not separate from the reality we experience everyday. We are born of this earth and entirely dependent upon the earth for our survival. This means we are also entirely dependent upon each other. No one on this earth lives free from exposure to consequences of other peoples actions. When people are suffering terribly it effects all of us- just look to Ukraine as the most recent example.
This is a simple truth that we can see with our own eyes.
But our brains tell us something different. We see ourselves as inherently existent and separate from our physical environment, including all the people who share it with us. We see our reality as “Me” versus “Them”. When we see ourselves as separate from our environment, it is very easy to blame the cause of our unhappiness on others.
Some people going through divorce are encouraged by their lawyers to be fearful and fight their spouse (Them) who has “wronged” them. These fights almost always have to do with money and visitation; the main object being to hurt and punish their spouse. After the divorce, most people feel that the cost of the fighting was not worth the benefit achieved.
A mature adult takes responsibility for everything that happens to them because they know that everything in life is a “two way street”. A divorce will not happen in a vacuum. The fact that one person feels slighted or treated unfairly in a marriage does not change the fact that they alone are responsible for their fate- not their lawyer, not the Guardian, not opposing counsel and certainly not their spouse.
This is because “everything that is, is because other things are”. It is impossible for a divorce to happen without shared responsibility, and trying to avoid this reality and put all the blame on one side will make the divorce lawyers very happy.
When a person going through divorce takes responsibility for his our her problem they remove themselves from “victimhood” status and take charge of their reality. They think clearly and make rational decisions based upon objective facts. A decision must be made, and the best decisions are almost always made with a mind not clouded by fear and anger.